Mr. Clutch on himself

The Philadelphia Phighter Sat Sep 06, 2008 7:48 am

*The Philadelphia Phighter is seen in a Philadelphia club, playing pool. It's one of those small clubs where you can get a drink, play pool, and talk. His CFWA Pipeline Championship is on his waist.*

Phighter: Glad to see the camera is working.

*Phighter hits the cueball, and it misses his target, the 8 ball. Phighter takes a break from playing pool to speak at the camera.*

Phighter: I'm sure you're all wondering - what am I thinking right now? Am I focusing on Phillipe H, mugging me and stealing my spotlight? Am I focused on who might mug me next? Am I worried about who Johnny boy will pick as his parther? I'm thinking of making the belt a something rather than a nothing. I'm the first holder. If I suck while I hold this belt, GM CK might put this thing away for good, and I got to admit, it's really, really comfortable around my waist.

*Phighter walks around the pool table and hits the cueball. It hits the 8 ball, but not hard enough, and the 8 ball is moved into the center of the table by Phighter for demonstration purposes.*

Phighter: While all of you cry Tommy 'All I play with is Water' Gunz didn't get his rematch, have you realized Tommy Gunz won't come out of the dumpster he was in? I mean, sure he got out of that dumpster to work out, but never to actually -

*A gang of guys surround the table. A medium-sized, teenage punk wearing a leather jacket steps up, and it looks like he is the leader of the gang.*

Teenage punk: This is our pool table, and our club. I don't know what you think you're doing with a video camera in here. Get out before my boys escort you out.

Phighter: No no, this won't do. I still have a segement to run for national television...silly punks. I tell you what. See the 8 ball in the center of the table? You can position me anywhere and I will hit it into any hole you tell me too I lose, this place is all yours, buddy. I win - I get your leather jacket.

*The punk and his gang nod, all knowing they've seen Phighter is not very good at pool. They position him to shoot the 8 ball into a corner of the table from the furthest point away from the 8 ballwithout getting a straight angle on the ball. It would require some miracle bounces for it to go in, as the cue ball and the 8 ball would have to bounce a good three times, at least. They all know the shot is just about impossible. The punk stands across from Phighter. Phighter talks to the camera.*

Phighter: You see, it pays to be clutch. That's what I am, Mr.Clutch. I'm gonna come through every single time, even when I'm not sure of the odds. That's what I do - and for some reason the crowd boos. Forget them. Mr.Clutch, corner pocket.

*Phighter hits the cueball and it flies upward off the table, hitting the punk in the nose. Blood starts to pour out and the punk's gang members - all also teenagers - surround Phighter. Phighter is waving the pool stick around like a maniac. Phighter swings, and starts taking down teenagers. One by one, they all go down. The punk, who looks like he has a broken nose, jumps on Phighter and locks him in a sleeper. Phighter carries the punk on his back and climbs onto the pool table. The punk, realizing Phighter might be ticked, climbs off of Phighter's back. Phighter grabs the teenage punk by his hair and sets him up for a DDT then Phighter moves his right leg in back of the teenage punk's front leg and then quickly moves his leg front slamming the opponent THROUGH the pool table with Brotherly Love.*

*Phighter grabs his camera and sits on a table. There is a rip in his jeans.*

Phighter: I'm not worried if I can do things like that. That kind of thing wins matches. I don't care if the fans are mourning over that Mask of Fury guy who has the most awful taste in masks, whether they're celebrating the guy who doesn't look like a redneck to me, or they're at their pub drinking themselves silly..because of The Brick. If you take away the letters b and r, you get ick. You add a d, and you get how Brick got to the top. And how Kandy Apple, if that's her name, did too. Face it - they have no talent in the ring. It explains itself if you sit down and think about it.

Phighter: My partner is quality - he proved it already. It was just a matter of how much cash was needed to seal the deal. See you at the opener.

*Phighter is walking out of the door, trying to turn the camera off when he remembers something. Phighter goes back into the club, finds the punk, and takes the leather jacket from the punk. Phighter puts it on, and then walks out of the club, turning the camera off.*